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500 reasons you should probably never try hookups

December 13, 2021

If anyone is considering Hookups in this season, tell them to come and hear gist. I’ve heard a lot of men and women say things like, if you can’t find a partner in real life, you can find them online. I don’t think that’s 100% true, and I will be backing up my claims with the story of a roommate. Lets call her Ajoke.

Ajoke has just been heartbroken by her lover a few days before her final year exams. She was not okay with the fact that she would be attending her final year dinner alone so she decided to do it the Lord’s way. And a few weeks after signing up on one of the dating sites, she found “the one”.

They moved their conversation from the app, to WhatsApp, and the PDA was intense, we as roommates could feel it. I even concluded that that was her last bus stop until the day they finally met.

They both agreed to meet in an open space, and we all thought that it was a good idea. Ajoke shopped for the best dress, and booked the best makeover artist we had in our hall just for this dinner date with Mr Last bus stop (a name we gave to the man).

By the time Ajoke left for her date, our room was a mess, but that was okay as long as our friend was meeting with the love of her life.

A few moments later.

My other roommate Sara, and I were asleep when we heard a loud bang at the door. “Who is it?! Don’t you know that people are sleeping?” Sara said, as she flung the door open while Ajoke stormed into the room fuming.

“What happened? You’re even supposed to return with a ring on your finger but instead, you returned with a frown,” Sara said sarcastically.

“That’s not nice Sara,” I said, making eye contact with Ajoke. “Babe tell us about it,” I said, this time patting Ajoke on the back.

“You guys will not believe what just happened to me,” she stated.

“Gist us babe,” I said.

“At first, he made me wait for him for about one hour before he arrived at the venue. When he finally did, his vehicle announced his arrival…”

“But that’s a good one now,” Sara cut in.

“Good what? Someone that his car exhaust was emitting fumes into the restaurant while he was trying to park.”

“It cannot be that bad,” I said , shaking my head.

“It was worse!” She exclaimed. “From the moment the car was making a loud sound, if I had known that he was the one, I would have carried my bag and left. Everyone in the restaurant was covering their nose and airing opinions about how terrible the car will look to be emitting toxic fumes. I even joined in the conversation by comparing the car with my grandfather’s truck. Now imagine my embarrassment when he walked in and was even apologising about the car.”

“But that’s still not much of a big deal; he was just being real,” Sara said.

“You think that was all? Guess what he wore to the date? He wore a yellow lace outfit. With matching cream colored shoes. I’ve never seen those shoe colors in my life. Even when we decided to eat, I ordered fried rice, salad, and chicken. But this guy looked at me and said ‘Why are you acting like you don’t eat Amala in your house?’

“I swallowed hard, I couldn’t insult him, after all he’s the one that would pay for the meal. While we ate, his mouth was making a sound, he even attempted to kiss me with food in his mouth. Is that supposed to be romantic?” She asked.

“And what did you do?” Sara asked.

“I stylishly dodged that; I pretended to not see him. When we were done eating, he started calling the waiters to come and clean the table. After several attempts of calling without getting a response, this man packed the plates and returned it to the counter.

“At this point, I was traumatized. How was this guy just the opposite of what I looked forward to seeing? How can you return a plate in a restaurant? After this act, I just dusted my bag, and boarded a bike and came home straight.”

After Ajoke was done telling her story, we all knew there was no bus stop anywhere. Infact, the journey has just begun.

Omorinkoba Eniola is a storyteller.

Pulse Contributors is an initiative to highlight diverse journalistic voices. Pulse Contributors do not represent the company Pulse and contribute on their own behalf

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