Explains how a friend’s wife wanted to matchmake him with her younger sister

OLUSOLA FABIYI, Abuja

A former Head of State, General Yakubu Gowon, has explained that it was difficult for him to choose a wife when he assumed leadership of the country in July 1966.

Gowon said he was almost unable to differentiate between the affection and love the ladies had for him because of his position.

He made the revelation in his autobiography, titled My Life of Duty and Allegiance, which was launched in Abuja on Wednesday.

Gowon, who was Nigeria’s military leader for nine years between 1966 and 1975, was born on 19 October 1934 and became Head of State at the age of 31 while still unmarried.

He said in the book that he remained a bachelor to focus on his growing military career.

Unfortunately, whenever he thought about getting married, the girls would either ‘make yanga’, as he described it, or put obstacles in the way, making it difficult for him to continue such relationships.

He said: ‘‘I remained a bachelor … because I was focused on my growing career and, as such, needed to be realistic about whether it was convenient to get married at that stage. The few times it crossed my mind to get serious, the girls were either ‘making yanga’ or putting up various obstacles that made it difficult to continue with such relationships. I later realised that some of those early relationships did not have any place in my life’s span.’’

He, however, said he benefited from being a bachelor, as it enabled him to attend many courses that his married colleagues could not attend because they did not want to leave their young families.

But he said that when the civil war started in January 1966, he began thinking about having a family, fearing that if he died, his name would also die with him, as there would be no one to carry on the family name.

Gowon said: ‘‘Since my status as a bachelor was quite convenient for the Army authorities, I became a soft target for endless streams of nominations to attend one career development course or another in different parts of the world. Many of my married colleagues readily passed up their nominations to avoid being separated from their young families.

‘‘As a bachelor, the absence of encumbrances associated with supporting a nuclear family meant that my bags were always packed, and I was ready to go whenever the order came.

‘‘At the initial stage, the pace of the military courses kept me constantly on the move. Much later, the crises that quickly built up from the night of 15 January 1966 kept me far too busy to contemplate getting into any meaningful relationship with the opposite sex.

‘‘However, by the time I assumed office as Head of State, I had become more conscious of my mortality, particularly as I escaped being killed by the Bulaba tribesmen in the Congo, survived the first coup and had a central role in prosecuting the civil war. I began to give serious thought to the future.

‘‘The more I reflected on my situation, the more it dawned on me that there was no guarantee that I would see the next day. I started to consider starting a family that would perpetuate my name if something untoward happened to me.’’

How Marriage Proved Difficult

Though he was desirous of getting married and starting a family of his own, the former Head of State explained in clear terms how marriage became difficult for him.

He said: “Marriage, however, proved difficult for a host of reasons – personal and official. The dictates of my office made it extremely difficult even to contemplate starting, much less nurturing, certain kinds of relationships.

‘‘On my part, I also ended some relationships because some of the ladies with whom I would have wished to associate did not fit and, therefore, did not come under consideration.

‘‘I received considerable attention from women during my domestic and foreign travels. Wherever I went, I observed that young people were fascinated by me because I was young and, as it were, ‘powerful’. In the end, it was difficult to decipher who was genuine and who was only interested in the position I occupied.’’

He said that, as the civil war raged and he battled to keep the country together, he was also fighting emotional battles. Because of his position as Head of State and as an eligible bachelor, many ladies were competing and lobbying for his attention.

According to him, while many visited under the pretence of friendship and to say hello to him at Dodan Barracks, Lagos, the seat of government at the time, they were also offering unsolicited advice on the need for him to get a wife.

He particularly recalled how his friend’s wife brought her younger sister to ‘greet’ him, although the intention was to matchmake him with the lady.

He said: ‘‘As the civil war raged on various fronts, I also fought internal emotional battles. As Nigeria’s first bachelor Head of State, I never ran short of friends and acquaintances who visited Dodan Barracks to say hello, only to end up offering me advice on giving earnest consideration to quitting bachelorhood.

‘‘In one instance, a friend’s wife brought her younger sister to ‘greet’ me, but, in truth, wanted to matchmake me with the lady. Nothing came of her effort because I had no attraction whatsoever to her sister. My so-called young ‘visitor’ obviously did not share my view.

‘‘Years after our meeting, by which time I had met and married Victoria Gowon, she wrote me a scathing letter in which she told me in clear terms that she was deeply unhappy with the choice I made. Every word of her note dripped with poison. Her letter gave me further insight into the saying that ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorn’d.’’’

Meeting My Wife, Victoria

He said he first met Victoria Gowon, then Victoria Hansatu Zakari, in 1964 in the company of her mother, Mrs Lydia Fati Zakari, and her younger sister, Grace.

Victoria, Gowon explained, was about to complete her secondary school education. He greeted all of them warmly, but said only their mother responded warmly.

‘‘The young girls looked at me in a disinterested manner that made me think, ‘Look at these little girls; if you had been of marriageable age, I would have swept you off your feet.’’

He said he noticed that the younger girl, Grace, was quite jovial. She later greeted him with a smile.

He explained that Victoria ‘‘practically looked right through me as though I was transparent. She had the sort of personality that said, ‘Apart from my mum and dad, who are you for me to respect?’

“Eventually, she reluctantly and casually returned my greeting, but that was only because her mother prevailed upon her to do so.’’

The next time he saw Victoria, he said, was when she accompanied Dr Ishaya and Mrs Victoria Audu to his residence in Ikoyi when he was the Chief of Army Staff. By then, she was at the University College Hospital (UCH), Ibadan, where she was undergoing nursing training.

‘‘Although she had grown, there was no emotional interest in her,’’ Gowon said.

He explained that at the time, he thought he had a girlfriend in Miss Edith Lami Matankari, in whom he said he was deeply interested.

‘‘I was wrong because the person I was interested in turned out to be the one fending me off with her attitude,’’ he said.

He further narrated that another girl, Margaret Ishaku, was in the wings, ‘‘but this girl had always regarded me more as a brother than a boyfriend because her parents virtually brought me up alongside them when we were young.’’

Because of this, he said he was more like an elder brother to her.

The story between him and Victoria began to change the next time they met. He said that by then he had become Head of State and, by coincidence, his Aide-de-Camp, Mr Sani Yaroson, was courting her elder sister, Miss Comfort Zakari.

He therefore granted the request of his ADC, who had sought permission for his fiancée, Comfort, her sister, Victoria Zakari, and another lady, Hajara Chindo — who later married his younger brother, Moses — to visit him.

‘‘At that meeting, I began to observe Victoria a bit more closely. She was somewhat taciturn when we chatted. When she spoke, she was not flippant. Whenever she opened her mouth to say something, there was a certain maturity one did not expect from a person of her age,’’ the former Head of State recalled.

After that encounter, he said his thoughts began to linger on her.

“She got me thinking about so many things because there was something about her that I could not immediately place my finger on. Was it her beauty? Could it be her personality? Was it because of the way she spoke? Or was it the sense that flowed from her point of view?” he recalled.

He said that thinking about her made him realise that time would not wait for him, despite the responsibilities of the office that weighed heavily on his shoulders.

Gowon said some people faulted the timing of their marriage, held on Saturday, 19 April 1969, in Lagos during the civil war, even though he had kept thoughts of getting married on hold for most of the Nigerian Civil War because he was focused on the country’s challenges.

Ironically, he said some individuals, for reasons best known to them, fuelled what he described as unfounded and unfair claims that Victoria snatched him from them, an allegation he said was far from the truth.

“They not only said it behind her back, but some said it to her face. But I can confirm and affirm Victoria’s love and faithfulness over 57 years together and into the future,” he said.